May 19, 2015

Happy 39th Birthday Miss 'Manda

Today my little Amanda Ruth would be 39! And somehow I am never ever able to imagine her as any thing other than my tiny girl! She was a going concern from conception! She rarely stopped moving...

 photo 19- Amanda climbing bunk bed 1977-4_zps8hi6rqi7.jpg
APRIL 1977
 
She was a constant joy (and trial)... My love for her is unbounded.

 photo 19- Amanda at play 1979-12_zpsh7e4fvxm.jpg
DECEMBER 1979
 
And of the April 15-May 19th month each year her birthday is ALWAYS the hardest.

I want to include an excerpt from journal-

I've suffered in the years since Tony and Amanda's death... usually April through August is difficult and then again at Christmas time. Several Christmas ago I started being able to go through the holidays tear-free. As I discussed this with Ann she suggested that I pray for a lifting of this burden of grief. (Duh! Why didn't I think of that?) So this year I've prayed for a lifting of that debilitating grief. I haven't been totally tear-free but I've been blessed with the ability to feel the joy of their lives and take comfort from the Master of my soul. And as always, Amanda's birthday proves the hardest of the Mom's birthday, Tony's birthday, Mom's death, Amanda's birthday month. I'm so grateful for the blessings and love that I feel from my Savior! Without His atoning sacrifice I could not continue! Truly He knows how to succor this child!

I've had a few tears but all in all most of them have come because I am so grateful for the lifting of this burden of grief.

Last fast Sunday with Bekah's family I bore my testimony about this great blessing. Then during Relief Society I kind of lost it during the opening song. Bekah was conducting and sisters that I don't even know reached out to comfort me. I was so blessed that my sisters in Spirit, who don't even know me, would offer this love. I am so GRATEFUL for the tender mercies of the Lord.

"I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them." Elder David A Bednar

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