Happiness is- Tony

Happy Birthday to my wonderful Tony! He would be 45 today. This is the wonderful person who made me a mother.

(I went looking for a photo of me at 45 and I could only find two, neither one blog worthy. Moms don't end up with many photos of themselves, do they?)

In the 1960s there was a cartoon panel titled Happiness Is... My Gramma used to cut out the ones she thought were pertinent to me and send them to me!

So a few years later when my Mom and I saw this little outfit that said *Happiness Is* we had to get it for Tony's blessing outfit. My Mama, the best handiwork woman I know, added *TONY*!

Happiness truly is Tony! He was born, after a 26 hour labor, with a congenital defect, gastroschisis. In 1972 the prognosis was bleak. We were told he would not live beyond 24 hours, but, if, by some miracle he did, his abdomen would look like a road map from all of the surgeries.

Long story short (that's about all I'm up for this day) through faith, prayer and the tender mercies of the Lord, Jesus Christ, Tony only had 2 surgeries, one to contain the intestines and one to close his abdomen! He was the Miracle Baby of Ped 3B.

I am so blessed that I got to keep Tony here for 9 years 3 months 13 days. I feel that Tony wasn't meant for this world, but the Lord granted me more time before taking him back home.  I am so very grateful that this wonderful man is a very real part of my family. I, and his siblings, frequently feel him close, watching over us and cheering us on.

I am so blessed!

The Blessing of the Temple

Today was my turn for sharing time. Usually I get started on it several days early but it totally slipped my mind until I was headed home last night at 10:30 after babysitting my littles. PANIC!! I knew this month's theme was the Temple and was so blessed and relieved when my topic was-

"Families are blessed through

sacred temple ordinances."

As I read through the sparse outline into my mind came exactly what I needed to share. My life would be so sad... so bereft of hope without the saving atonement of our Saviour, Jesus Christ and that through Him I have been sealed eternally to my wonderful celestial children! How could I possible go on without the hope of a glorious Resurrection? And an eternal association with my loved ones?

So I stayed up late and got up early so I could take my family with me to sharing time today. I found this wonderful snapshot was just perfect for showing my beautiful children at a very happy time. Christmas 1980 (7 months before Tony and Amanda died).

I also took along this photo that I put together back in December 2008. My Mama and Daddy... who love me and assist me from the other side of the veil!

When I talk of those wonderful temple blessings how could I not share their likeness?

Of course I get emotional when I share my deep faith and love for my family and the comfort I receive through the Holy Ghost. The spirit was so strong bearing testimony of the truths I was sharing...

Families Can Be Together Forever!

I made sure to identify to the children that what they were feeling was the Holy Ghost bearing witness to them than the things I was sharing are true!

After the closing song (Gethsemane led by several of my wonderful primary children... I was a mess) and closing prayer by Elder Oaks great-grandson, one very perceptive, precious girl (Zoie Smith) came and gave me the biggest, longest hug and thanked me for my lesson and testimony! What a sweetheart! She knew I needed that hug!

I am so blessed to be able to work with these wonderful children.

Lord, Be Thou My Helper

Today as I was pondering on the scriptures Psalms 30:10-11 jumped off the page at me and I knew that it would need to be this week's #ponderizing scripture!

My mind has been on the trials of this world that we all must face and how taxing that can be. My prayers go out to them in their grief and struggling.

Fortunately, my trials are very small; for which I am very grateful.

This year I have spent much time in prayer pleading for relief from the years of grief. And as always happens, Heavenly Father was just waiting for me to ASK to have this burden lifted and has been quick to grant my plea.

As I pondered this completed graphic formed in my mind. I may not be able to do much... but I stand as witness that our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ never leave us to *go it alone*!! They will reach out to comfort, strengthen, uplift and guide us.

They want us to be successful in our journey back to them!!

I share here, as well, last week's ponderizing scripture.

34 Years

This morning dawned cool and rainy, always a rich August blessing in our desert. We got 200% of our August rain total TODAY! As I prepared to take my walk (yes, in the rain!) the thought flashed through my mind, *The heavens weep.* I immediately replaced it with the thought-

THE HEAVENS REJOICE

AND SO DO I!

I rejoice that my precious Tony and Amanda are safely in the arms of our Heaven Father, freed from the trials of this life. They wait patiently for our joyous reunion.

I mentioned on Amanda's birthday that I'd been praying for, and received, relief from the years of debilitating grief. As this 34th anniversary day has approached I've offered that same prayer and continue to feel my Father's loving support.

After my morning walk I headed to the Provo Temple. I can't be sure, but I think that I've been each year on this day (or the next) all but the 2 years I was visiting in California. It is a wonderful, spiritual blessing to be able to serve there.

I've also found that it is helpful to stay busy so I spent the afternoon helping Camille get ready for her 9th year of teaching!!

Gordon texted me that I'd received flowers from my dear friend. She has been so thoughtful and kind in sending this yearly remembrance!

What I hadn't expected it this...

A sweet and thoughtful gift from my Temple friends, the Mechams.

Of course these gifts made the tears come... but not the sad kind... the grateful kind! These are some of the beautiful tender mercies of the Lord as He works through the hands of His faithful children.

I am so grateful to be at this end of these 34 years! I'm grateful for the understanding that has been given to me. I'm grateful for the healing... which often seems so slow and painful. I'm grateful to know that I will be with my Tony and Amanda again! I'm grateful for my wonderful family who loves and supports me but most of all understands that this is a difficult time and gives me the extra patience I so desperately need.

I want to bear my testimony, once again, that I know that my Heavenly Father loves me. He will never give me more than I can withstand. He will carry me through the darkness until I am able to walk and be whole.

I can do hard things! BUT ONLY BECAUSE I NEVER HAVE TO DO THEM ALONE!!

Happy 39th Birthday Miss 'Manda

Today my little Amanda Ruth would be 39! And somehow I am never ever able to imagine her as any thing other than my tiny girl! She was a going concern from conception! She rarely stopped moving...

APRIL 1977

She was a constant joy (and trial)... My love for her is unbounded.

DECEMBER 1979

And of the April 15-May 19th month each year her birthday is ALWAYS the hardest.

I want to include an excerpt from journal-

I've suffered in the years since Tony and Amanda's death... usually April through August is difficult and then again at Christmas time. Several Christmas ago I started being able to go through the holidays tear-free. As I discussed this with Ann she suggested that I pray for a lifting of this burden of grief. (Duh! Why didn't I think of that?) So this year I've prayed for a lifting of that debilitating grief. I haven't been totally tear-free but I've been blessed with the ability to feel the joy of their lives and take comfort from the Master of my soul. And as always, Amanda's birthday proves the hardest of the Mom's birthday, Tony's birthday, Mom's death, Amanda's birthday month. I'm so grateful for the blessings and love that I feel from my Savior! Without His atoning sacrifice I could not continue! Truly He knows how to succor this child!

I've had a few tears but all in all most of them have come because I am so grateful for the lifting of this burden of grief.

Last fast Sunday with Bekah's family I bore my testimony about this great blessing. Then during Relief Society I kind of lost it during the opening song. Bekah was conducting and sisters that I don't even know reached out to comfort me. I was so blessed that my sisters in Spirit, who don't even know me, would offer this love. I am so GRATEFUL for the tender mercies of the Lord.

"I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them." Elder David A Bednar

The Best Move I've Ever Made!

For a girl who was born and raised in the same little house in Greenville, CA, I've sure moved around a lot; so I know a thing or two about moving! The sad part is that 17 of the 25 moves happened between 1970-80! (That pretty much sums up that decade of my life!)

Other than the first 17 years and 10 months I spent in my first home the longest I've lived at any address was 8 years and 10 months...

Until now!

We've lived here, on our little quarter acre of heaven for 10 years. As Gordon and I were driving to the Temple yesterday I mentioned to him something that has been rolling around in my little head but finally found its way out-

THIS IS THE BEST MOVE I'VE EVER MADE!

(PHOTO TAKEN MAY 2014)

Gordon asked why so I started counting off the blessings (name them one by one!)

• We are close to many of our children and grandchildren and get to interact with them on a frequent basis.
• We have a paid for home.
• We are able to serve in the Temple often.
• We have the privilege of being ordinance workers- which has brought greater meaning to the wonderful blessings administered there.
• We live in a wonderful neighborhood and community.
• We are surrounded by good people trying to do the right thing.
• We live in the mountains (a plus for this mountain-born girl).
• We live in an area with a lower cost of living.
• We have four seasons!

The list could go on and on. But I just wanted to share here, publicly, my great gratitude to my Heavenly Father who truly has "opened the windows of heaven and pour out a blessing that there is not room enough to receive."

The Goodness of Light

On Tuesday last, Elder David A Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints challenged us to flood the internet with a wave of good, uplifting and positive. I love that challenge. I've seen many others accept that challenge as they post uplifting quotes, experiences and photos.

This week we've been blessed with our August monsoonal flow of moisture. We've badly needed every drop we have received. I love the quality of the light after thunderstorms. Each evening Harley and I take a little doggie-walk. As I was walking last evening, with a soft, cool breeze ruffling my hair, I was struck by how a walk on a pleasant rain-washed evening just feeds my soul. It fills me up.

It takes me back to my carefree days of childhood when I lived in the ultimate safe haven of Indian Valley California. I was free (and safe) to roam the pastures, mountains, creeks and forests of that beautiful area. Perhaps because I am the baby-of-the-family by quite a gap, I learned early on to be happy with my own company even though I am basically a social person.

I marvel at the goodness of our Heavenly Father, who created such a beautiful world. And the wonderful godly light that shines through the clouds testifies to my spirit of his love for me, his daughter.

I'm grateful to know that God *is no respecter of persons*. He loves all of His children!

33 Years

Today's anniversary of Tony and Amanda's death coincided with Fast Sunday. I knew that I needed to share my testimony of my Saviour. I must testify that Jesus is my strength, my comfort, my rock. He has never left me alone in my grief. Has it been hard? Absolutely!

TONY, AMANDA, REBEKAH EASTER SUNDAY 1981 (4-10)

But...

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." 

Phillipians 4:13

And as in years past, an anonymous angel has sent me flowers. Chad Wright delivered these at 8:15 this morning.

And they always bear this same message.

The thought just occurred to me. I've been sad that I couldn't decorate my kid's grave each year since they are buried in Livermore, CA. But some earthly angel decorates my house instead. What a wonderful blessing.

Truly they have followed the Saviour's counsel to "... succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees." (D&C 81:5) and "... are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light: and are willing to mourn with those that mourn: and comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:8-9)

But I learned a new fact today; I am not the only one to whom this marvelous Christ-like person ministers. There are others in my neighborhood who received like remembrances on their difficult day.

I also had a visit and sweet treat and lovely note from my Whitley. I taught Whitley's Sunday school class last year. She is an angel.

I am so very blessed to live in an area where there are so many people who listen to the promptings of the Spirit and "comfort those which stand in need of comfort."

Annabelle Goes Home

Already! It seems soon but I was always anxious to get home too.

I got to have a few minutes to change Annabelle's diaper and get her dressed for her trip home. I just love that they have so many darling clothes for newborns!

Here is the new family... they've waited a long time for this precious little baby-girl.

Deborah is already such a good Mommy! She is thrilled to have her very own baby.

I couldn't be more thrilled that Annabelle arrived on her Daddy's 30th birthday. What a wonderful memory for both of them. There are so many similarities between the arrival of these two much anticipated and waited for babies. I think that Spencer and Annabelle are even more loved and appreciated because of the loss of an older sibling[s].

Annabelle's *Under the Sea* Quilt

The first thing I want to say is this: I am so grateful that we are able to know the gender our little babies before they are born. I love that when these little ones get here, where we can see them, we already know them. What a blessing.

That said, this is baby-Annabelle's quilt.

Annabelle will be arriving sometime around her Daddy's 30th birthday in just a couple of weeks. Spencer and Deborah have waited very anxiously for this little girl. We've witnessed great blessings from our loving Heavenly Father where this little darling is concerned. (And since I am already crying we will leave it at that!)

Deborah said she wanted to have an under the sea theme for Annabelle's nursery, but not cartoonish. I was just about to despair of finding anything like that when I came across some wonderful foundation-pieced patterns.

As soon as I found these patterns I made a mock up of the quilt using PhotoShop as I envisioned the wonderful melting colors from the lighthouse in the upper left corner across the quilt to the deep blue sea in the lower right!

I started with the lighthouse, enlarged 200%. Yes, I liked that very much. My very second block was the *baby* dolphin. He measures 3" by 6" and is comprised of 58 teeny, tiny pieces. He was just too little to be allowed!

I certainly didn't want teeny, tiny whales. I ask you, have you ever seen small whales? So the grey whale is 200% and the orca is 150%. (I also enlarged the sail fish and a mama dolphin)

As I played with ideas on setting the blocks I dug in my stash and found this great fabric that was *just made* for the back of this quilt. Frankly, I've had it for so long I have no idea what I originally bought it for. I had 4.5 yards and bought it when we still lived in Palmdale! I love that there are little smiling fish and sea anemones floating among the sea flowers.

And, serendipitously, there was just the right spot to personalize a label. I will add her birth date once she arrives.

Now Mr Octopus waits patiently, just like Grammie (and Mama and Daddy), for Miss Annabelle's arrival.

Ris'n With Healing in His Wings

Church today can only be described as a spiritual feast. It was the most wonderful blend of words, music, testimony, thoughts and hymns.

It all came together singing the closing hymn- Hark! The Herald Angels Sing. When we got to the words of the second verse,

"Ris'n with healing in His wings."

 

it was all I could do to not sob. Because that is what I pray for, not only at Christmas time, but all year long.

I've talked a lot here about grieving and healing. I'm so grateful to be at this end of that path. I've experienced so much healing in the nine years since we moved to Utah.

As I contemplate other's journey on this difficult path it is always my foremost prayer that they will feel the loving arms of our Savior encircling, protecting and pouring in that healing balm of Gilead.

I bear fervent testimony that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world. He came as a tiny baby, lived a perfect life and then willingly accepted all of the sins, pain AND grief of His brothers and sisters. He willingly descended below it all so that He would know how to succor His people. He loves us with an infinite love... I can't really comprehend it; but I feel it deep in my soul. I know that my Savior loves me. I know that He delights to bless me. I know that our prayers on behalf of others can call down the powers of Heaven to heal and comfort them.

How grateful I am for that healing...

Fiona

Our little Fiona, Camille and Kevin's first baby girl, arrived on 10 September 2013 at 1:46pm. She weighed 8 lb 1 oz, was 20.5" tall AND she was eight days late! (The good news is that they don't let mamas go three weeks over-due anymore!) We are so grateful to have her here!

Camille checked into Orem Community Hospital Monday evening to be induced, since baby-cakes didn't want to get things started on her own. Not every thing went as planned, because of complications it was decided that Fiona needed to be born by C-section. Kevin, the family and I all discussed how even 100 years ago he would very likely have lost one or both of them... yes, we are so grateful to have baby Fiona here save and sound.

We were allowed to watch through the window while they did the C-section (and, yes, I got LOTS of photos, but I won't be showing them around any time soon!) It was the most interesting thing to watch... a couple of times I had to look away (look out of the way!). But the whole process helped me understand why women with C-sections take a while to heal.

They cleaned little Fiona up quickly and sent Daddy out to show the rest of the family! Here she is... only 11 minutes old!

As my mother-in-law used to say, being born is "no joke"! Poor little Fi was pretty swollen for a couple of days.

Here she is 1-day old.

I love watching Camille with her new baby... you'd never know she was a first-time mom!

Fiona at 2 days.

After four days it was time for the new little family to head home. Fiona's first time in "for-real" baby-girl clothes.

Fiona's first impression of being in her car seat was not a happy one! But here she is having her first car ride.

Bye-bye Baby Fi! You are headed to a wonderful, loving home.

We are so glad to have you in our family!

Tender Mercies for Jude

"The Lord is good to all:
and his tender mercies are over all his works." Psalms 145:9

Our little Jude was born with a moderate VSD (a hole in his heart). His Hero Mama has worked tirelessly for the last 10 months to help him heal and be strong. I cannot say enough good things about Jessica! She is a wonderful, spiritually guided Mama. I always know that her choices are what is right for her and her family. There is such power in that for me. She has researched and implemented so many techniques and nutritional factors in this sweet little boy's life. She is such a dedicate and loving mother. There is NONE better!(period)

Part of that healing process involved open heart surgery this last Tuesday (as in three days ago). There have been much faith and many prayers offered up on Jude's behalf. There are people all over the world praying for this sweet little man: Hong Kong, Jerusalem, Arkansas, California and Illinois to name a few!

Here are Mama and Jude pre-surgery. Can you believe how tiny this little gown is? (all photos are from photo messages from Doug and Jessica) Oh, I do love that little face!

Jude's surgery went smoothly. This is the patching material used to close the hole in his heart. The surgeon said that the hole was about 3/8". I had to make that have relevance to my mind so I did some research. The human heart is about the size of that human's fist. So even though we think that 3/8" is small, compare that to the size of a golf ball!

This ubber-loved little boy is always so happy. This is Jude at less than 48 hours post surgery.

Now for the remainder of the abundant blessings from our Lord! The original projection was that Jude would be in the hospital for 4-6 days...  

Jude is coming home from the hospital TODAY! 

(Yes, that decision was made less than 72 hours after surgery!)

Truly The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his [children]!

Pixie Dust

When I opened the blinds this morning I saw that the world was covered in hoar frost! It is always so magical when this happens; everything sparkles. It is so cold that there is pixie dust floating in the air glinting, just like glitter, in the weak January sun and I am sad that my camera cannot capture that beautiful sight.

I quickly pull on my shearling boots and coat, grab my camera and go on an 8° explore. I stay close to the house so as not to leave any footprints in the pristine snow.

All the trees, bushes, and even flat surfaces like the fence and deck are covered in pixie dust.

As it warms during the day this pixie dust will float to the ground, shimmering as it goes.

Perhaps it's because I was so obsessed with snowflakes this winter that the designs jumped off the computer screen at me.

There they are: perfect six-sided wonderful creations of our Loving Heavenly Father that I can only poorly imitate with my scissors and paper.

The Lord, in His Goodness

Wednesdays are my Temple day. I love my service there. So many blessings have come as a result of that service in the last seven and a half years. Today was a particularly good day. It was one of those days where I knew that the Lord was aware of me; that He loves me and ALL who will seek Him. The Lord, in His goodness, delights to own and bless you.

As I was leaving I wanted to get some photos of the beautiful gardens before they are replanted for next spring. Come September I always know that the days are numbered and my next visit could be the one with naked flower beds. (Always a sad time for me... I leave my flowers in as long as I can.)

(DIGITALLY PAINTED IMAGE)

I was using my MPC (aka my iPhone), which can be difficult since I can't see the screen in the bright light. I'd just snapped a couple of photos when I saw movement from the corner of my eye. There was a sweet little hummingbird just feet from me supping at the zinnias!

I zoomed in and just kept blindly taking photos, hoping I would get something good.

It was just one more Tender Mercy of the Lord... just one more witness that He is aware of me and gave me a chance to see one of His wonderful creations.

Word of Comfort

Today is the 31st anniversary of Tony and Amanda's death. I'd like to tell you that it gets easier to make it through this time of year, but I would be lying!

I started crying last Thursday and didn't quit until Tuesday evening up at girls camp (not continuously, but way to much!) when I went and found a place of solitude after a dinner-time meltdown and pleaded for the ability to stop crying and be able to function more normally. This year was different- I couldn't just hide out at home... I was surrounded by my *sisters-in-the-kitchen*.

Today these arrived...



I don't recognize the hand writing but there are so many kind women who could be responsible for this loving gift.



Truly it optimizes the scripture to "lift up the hands that hang down and strengthen the feeble knees".

Again, I will bear my testimony that the reason I can go on, function, show empathy and help others in their grief is because of my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Joanie circa 1977

The Black and White eDition

Yesterday, when I was digging through MORE boxes and STILL finding photos, I found this one. It lived for nearly 20 years in the bottom drawer of my dresser in a funky K&S dime store bag. But when we moved here we got rid of that ancient (seriously, ancient) dresser and it has since resided in a box in the dungeon! (By the way... how many more places do I HAVE photos?)

Kim's texture this week is called Happy Heart! I love that term! I choose to embrace that mindset! This photo was taken in the summer of 1977, one of my most turbulent of that decade. BUT, wonderful but, I had learned that-

I AM MY OWN HAPPINESS GURU!

I know that happiness is a choice. Yes, it is easier to choose happiness if all around you is going smoothly, but it is MY choice nonetheless! I'm so grateful for that knowledge. And do I really have to make that choice all on my own? No, never! I always have the tender-loving care of a kind Heavenly Father.

texture tuesday facts-
kk- happy heart blending mode multiply 80%